Still movin....

It has been quite some time since my last post- I am back for a few words.

I am more myself now- parts of this person are back where they belong, no longer scared, no longer simmering with young rebellious anger...stronger, more grounded, and wanting a big bouquet of red flowers as payment for a long journey home.

(The flowers are coming)

I still have to work on forgiveness for what was taken from me, and the hardest part is I cannot remember the crime. Only flashes, standing in the doorway, watching it all happen in a dream.

Fastforward to more education, and the cruise, and eye contact that I initiate and allow her to break, and picking out just the right outfit, polishing boots til they are glowing black in dim light, moving my body until I am satisfied with it's condition (always room to improve in all aspects of the self)...and with the sharing of fine dark 70% chocolate I receive a great gift, not once, but over 3 days, in different amounts. All precious.

Thank you, M.

I am more aware now..more aware of power, of aesthetics, of patience.

Thank you, A.

You showed me that I have it in me. You gave me the permission I would not give myself.

And my savage lover....I will be with her again in 4 sleeps. In her arms, in her home, wrapped in her. I am even stronger now, she may be fearful and may push but I can stand my ground easily, and with love in my eyes. Love for her...she is worth every hitch in my chest, every mistake, every stumble and fall, every scrape, bruise, knock.....everything.

The time is coming to move on. To find new places to rest. To continue my adventure.

Not yet, but soon.