Trust+evolution(?)
Another step......
A quotation that resonates: "...transformation occurs when we....give away what we think we can't...."
I give, often, what I know I can give; sometimes I have given what I should not have, for safety's sake, but wanted to in the moment. In this case, I gave what I felt strong enough to give.
I am glad that I did. There was a moment when I almost fell apart; a moment of such sweetness and sadness and longing that I filled up and then, as quickly as the moment came, it was gone. What I was left with was acceptance of where I stand within the greater picture that I am painting, and she is still there, in the distance.
One could say it's a different perspective......
Staring into those blue-grey eyes, stormy like the Atlantic, feeling that familiar weight against me, her scent, her hair, I felt such a love well up in me, but not the kind that demands anything....interestingly enough it was/is the kind of love that I wanted to share from the beginning, but all of my fears and insecurities got in the way. There were moments before today when I doubted my ability to give what I did, feared falling back into old patterns, old open borders (dangerous in some cases), but when I was faced with the reality of it all, everything that I was scared of dissolved and I was left with strength and deep love for another- one who I loved differently only a short time ago, one who I love still, deeply, darkly, and hard, but not so closely now.
This heart, this tender boy's heart, woven together with old scars and new- I wear the marks with pride and sorrow- some knitted tighter today.
I can smell her on my old t-shirt.
She is so beautiful..like a rainbow.
A quotation that resonates: "...transformation occurs when we....give away what we think we can't...."
I give, often, what I know I can give; sometimes I have given what I should not have, for safety's sake, but wanted to in the moment. In this case, I gave what I felt strong enough to give.
I am glad that I did. There was a moment when I almost fell apart; a moment of such sweetness and sadness and longing that I filled up and then, as quickly as the moment came, it was gone. What I was left with was acceptance of where I stand within the greater picture that I am painting, and she is still there, in the distance.
One could say it's a different perspective......
Staring into those blue-grey eyes, stormy like the Atlantic, feeling that familiar weight against me, her scent, her hair, I felt such a love well up in me, but not the kind that demands anything....interestingly enough it was/is the kind of love that I wanted to share from the beginning, but all of my fears and insecurities got in the way. There were moments before today when I doubted my ability to give what I did, feared falling back into old patterns, old open borders (dangerous in some cases), but when I was faced with the reality of it all, everything that I was scared of dissolved and I was left with strength and deep love for another- one who I loved differently only a short time ago, one who I love still, deeply, darkly, and hard, but not so closely now.
This heart, this tender boy's heart, woven together with old scars and new- I wear the marks with pride and sorrow- some knitted tighter today.
I can smell her on my old t-shirt.
She is so beautiful..like a rainbow.
posted by rebelbyke at 9:05 AM
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