chilled not frozen

...funny (weird, not ha ha) what words can do.....cause a tightening in the guts, a sinking of the heart, a familar hollow space to open up....and as this occurs I realize..I understand...that I am the one allowing the words to affect me thus...that because I am invested, I am affected, and in recognizing this, in the future I can react, or not react.....(presently I have already reacted, but maybe the next time will be different).

Every day I am learning a different way to be. I want to give, but if all my giving does is make things complicated, then I will not do it this time. I just want things to be simple, and to be told how the other feels....but that is what I want, and maybe the other is not in that space, and I must be accepting of that fact as well. We all do our best at any given time. So I feel a bit of hurt, but I do not believe, deep in my heart, that hurt was intended. So I feel it, and recognize the reason for it, and move through it and past it, and continue to love.

It's hard, this love. But not too hard.