On the cusp of 40

Here I am, about to turn 40.

Fuckin' crazy. I always thought I would be dead by now.
I know that sounds morbid, but it is true.

I was so sure that I would no longer exist.

In retrospect, I was partially right.
I am not the same person now that I was when I was 10, or 20, 0r 30, or even 38.
I am hormonally different. I am, medically speaking, more male now.
But I don't want to be a man.
And I am not so much a woman, but strangely enough I love my female side way more now that I ever did when I was more estrogen fueled.
I identify more with myself- I am not constantly fighting my very being.
No longer resenting myself.
I love myself more.
I feel so much more stable
Less a prisoner to my emotions
More able to deal with the world around me.
More able to make plans and have dreams and FOLLOW THROUGH.

I like this new me.
I love this new me.
I have a long way left to go.