Hold fast-Let go

I am going to get those words tattooed on my knuckles and wrists in ink that is the colour of dried blood (on knuckles) and in bright bright ruby red outlined in white (on my wrists).

In a couple of days I am taking my little cat, who is now residing with a sweet friend and so is, by default, also hers, to the vet to be put down. She has cancer. She has been fighting it since last winter, but now is uncomfortable and I feel very strongly that she needs to depart this life with her dignity left intact. When I think about that last drive, and the walk into the vet's office, and the last still seconds, and watching the light go out in her beautiful green eyes, I cannot help but dissolve into tears. My heart will break in that moment.

Cracks are already beginning to appear.

I want so much to hold fast to that little life, but that would be for my benefit, not for hers. I love her and I need to let her go.