Big ol' city blues

So here I am.

Two wheels became six (four on the road and two stored inside, along with the material and practical objects in my life) and I made the trip in 3 days, negotiating wind and rain and heartache and grief and excitement and fear and sunshine and seemingly endless highway.

Then I arrived.

It's been almost 8 weeks now, and I am far from settled but finding footing as well.

Relearning old habits, forming new ones, finding frustration in my own emotions, and release, and comfort.

Last night my love sang me a lullaby that made me ache and cry and smile all at the same time. She held me close while I wept and we slept wrapped around one another.

She is so beautiful..I see that easily enough. What is harder to see is the beauty in this city. It exists, though, and my eyes are getting more accustomed to finding it among glass and metal and concrete. The city, try as it might, cannot blot out the little sprigs of green that grow bravely through sidewalk cracks, or the wildflowers that live beside the 401, or the leaves, now golden and mostly fallen, that fill the morning with that crisp damp fresh fecundity of fall.

"..what I really want is to lie cushioned in the grass..."

I heard that this past weekend and it made my eyes well up (they do that a lot these days).

It's the first time I have really heard a leaf speak. (no kidding)....thanks to a fierce bad rabbit for opening my ears.

All of my senses are overloaded- must learn to deal with this new kind of energy. 24/7 humming breathing gasping rushing frenetic.....I struggle to maintian my calm.

So far so good.