Processing....processing

It's more able to happen now- I am removed from the big city, returned to a smaller one, I am missing her terribly but am content..happy, even.....no, more than happy....the words fail me.

Suggestions?

She is who she is, and I love her for it. All of her. Every strong soft smart sweet sassy tender tough hard-assed impatient heated gifted incredible delectable millimeter...my senses are alive..I am alive...moreso than before, I might add...access to myself has been thrown wide open and I am glad. She is like nobody else I know, and yet familiar. Weird, huh?

There is much more to explore.

I look forward to the next course.

You can bet on THAT.

..other plans (Advanced course day 12)

What's that John Lennon quotation.."life s what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"?

I was supposed to be back in Halifax 2 days ago. I was packed, I had cried in her arms because it hurt so goddamn much to know I had to go....we were all prepared....then I got a call from the airline, telling me that my flight was cancelled, and that I could rebook at my lesiure. Then other events transpired, and in retrospect I would have been physically ill had I left at that moment....I had to be here...nowhere else.

So I am here, still in the 'big smoke', still waking to her face and arms and hands and skin and smile....until I have to go.

The universe was smiling on us. I reckon the universe likes lovers.

I know I like her. A lot.

Advanced course, day 6

...what?!?....

Do I look funny? Am I wearing a lopsided goofy-ass grin on my face? Are my eyes all dreamy and dark because my pupils are dilated because I am looking at her and my physiological reaction is to expand..nay, explode (practically) because she is SO FUCKING GORGEOUS?

Just making fresh pesto with her is enough to drive me close to madness......lust, love, wanting.....sheer unfettered desire.....wowza. Then we EAT the pesto (sigh)....then she goes off to work and I am left to my own devices for a while....gonna go pick her up in a few hours and she'll be smiling so hugely that I will just dive right into it....I will be devoured by her and I won't mind a bit...my flesh stripped from my bones, gnawed upon and licked clean, placed carefully in a pile with my lopsided grinning skull perched on top, and then it will begin again.

What is this love? Feeling without the need to possess, perhaps. Allowing oneself to plummet, knowing the ground is gonna be hard and not giving a fuck because RIGHT NOW is what matters.

That's what I'm thinkin', 'by.

Advanced Course, Day 3

I am marked by her, this beautiful creature....and astounded, and enchanted, enamoured and delighted... and I wonder to myself "is this my life?!" even though I know that it is....this is my life. I am living this.

Holy shit.

Advanced course, Day 1

Countdown......43.....32.......15......4......1.......then I am packing, then in the air, then touching down, wondering if there will be a beautiful woman there to meet me. I am prepared to ride the TTC into the city. I check my messages just in case, as I enter the baggage claim area, and I am told NOT TO GET ON THE SUBWAY. I find my bag and exit, look around- nobody yet- so I seat myself on an airport bench and settle in.

Pearson is a hubbub of activity- people coming and going, always moving, always with somewhere else to be....there are workers with pushcarts and passengers with multiple suitcases and I am mesmerized by the numbers and variety- then there is a body in front of me

"Hey! You need a ride somewhere or WHAT?"

..it's her, dressed in green jacket and blue denim and hair in luscious curls and mouth turned up in a huge corners-of-her-eyes-crinkling grin . Before I can completely register what is happening she is in my lap- I am wrapped in her arms, and she in mine- I am conscious of the scent of her so close to me... finally so close...and the way her eyes change colours in the light- from stormy gray to blue and back again...and the creak of my leather jacket as we just hold each other...her hands are all over my face, followed closely by her mouth...mercy.....I feel the weight of her body on my thighs and I am in heaven...transported now not by a plane but by her smile, and her skin, and the heat of her.

"I'd cry if I wasn't so fuckin' happy"

I know exactly how she feels.

Oh....my heart.