Byron had a good point....

Conundrum....what does one do when faced with temptation?

Picture: A beautiful woman who wants to play with me and yet the timing is not right (could not be worse, actually)...and so I suggest we meet for a friendly beverage, and spend a pleasant few hours sitting across from one another and discusson various subjects, and I am enthralled by her intensity, and I discover that I do, indeed, have the capacity to resist what I am sorely tempted by....that mouth and those eyes and that throat, and what lies beneath....but I made a promise to a buddy, and I will not fall short of that.

Makes me wonder, though, what may transpire at a later time..if ever.....if paths cross once they are bound to cross again....the potential is intriguing, to say the least.

Beaudry or bust...

A weekend in Montreal....time spent in the rinks with my great team, taking myself for a walk around and onto the Metro to the village and into leatherlover's heaven, where I met Ricardo and he let my try on whatever I wanted....walks with a good friend for bagels at St. Viateur and coffee for our stroll to a park- discussion about love and loss and grief and feeling free enough to be yourself no matter what....then back on the Metro ( met Tommy-dear- sweet gay boy who liked my jacket) then down the street to Le Drugstore where I had a couple of beers and did some scopin' and a chance meeting with a tall hot french babe when I was ready to just pack it in for the night.....all these things transpired, and there is more to come (obviously not in Montreal, since I am no longer there...) and I look forward to it.

Life continues to suprise me, and I realize that even when it hurts like a motherfucker, it is still a good thing.

BUTCHBOYSHAVETOSTICKTOGETHER

cold beer hanging easy
between thumb and index finger
held mid-thigh
slight tip
to his hat
to his bottle
boots are planted
wide and solid
cuffed blue jeans
square shoulders
soft dark eyes
that hold another's
...hard and hot...
then quickly look away
softer heart
that this boy
tries
desperately
to hide
under leather layers
longing
to be tougher
to get through
another day

dawn dissolving

Rain pelting the attic skylight and the tender boy lays awake, listening to the future high-speed soaking of his body and potential disaster looming ahead, and beside him lays the beautiful boy with the particular ways..and he feels heavy in his heart because he knows that it is going to be different very soon...he looks forward to change but it is so difficult at times- tearing at his guts til they are hollow and sore..then the beautiful boy takes his hand or sighs in his ear and all the wonder of that body and touch makes him forget for a while- they lay wrapped in each other and the tender boy feels soft breath on his cheek and hears it change to steady sleep- rests a hand on a strong hip then over that favorite back and across the chest he has come to know, coming to rest on the beautiful boy's belly, and he smiles and wonders what will come next, and is thankful, and sad. Slowly, he collects his belongings, wrapped against the weather, finally pulling on his boots and jacket, and walks back to where the beautiful boy is sleeping, one arm thrown across his eyes. The tender boy sits on the edge of the bed and kisses his lips and forehead, and feels a wave of sorrow wash over him, colder than anything he will encounter on the ride that will soon follow and sharper than the rain that will feel like needles on his face as he drives fasterfasterfaster...he wonders how he can feel both content and so very empty with this sweetness so close beside him. His hands follow the lines of the beautiful boy's face, relaxed and oblivious; he strokes the beautiful boy's short dark hair knowing they will meet again, knowing that he will survive, but all this knowing is small comfort in the moment.
(He lingers because he is afraid, then chastises himself for this foolishness.)
Speculation.....possibilities spread like the water that falls from the sky making the pavement a sorry mirror....the tender boy wishes desperately to be tougher, and is glad he can feel, and moves away and down the stairs and into the day.

timespan

... clarity in conversation, doors left open, sugar on the table beside a glass of brandy....your smell stays with me long after I leave your presence. I ask you a question and you would rather not answer-fair enough-what do I have now? A friend, a buddy, a heart who understands mine because we live in a similar place 4000 miles away.....someone who I can talk to, who wants nothing from me, and yet I still want to give...and that makes me wonder....and forces me to see how circumstances can change so abruptly, causing slight shocks to the system, bringing things to the surface that I would rather keep hidden, though once they are out in the air I feel much better....the pain of moving through fades to ghost-white once the destination is reached.....and I keep on going past it, wondering where the next bend in the road will lead me-and to whom.....and I can go to you for comfort, as you can come to me, and you are always welcome in my too-tender heart.

You teach, I learn...perhaps the roles reverse as well

Things fall apart.....

The leather bracelet I have been wearing on my wrist for close to 3 years finally fell off today....I'll take it as a sign. When change comes, it comes...you can re-tie the knots as much as you want, hoping to hang on for just a little longer, but if it supposed to happen, those knots will loosen themselves and the worn out parts will give way and you will both lose and gain something. I see that now.

I am in a place that is both familiar and foreign......I am having a fine time, yet I feel like perhaps I am giving over too much. I think what I have to do is step back- take time for myself, and be confident that this is happening because it is supposed to. I do not want to feel this anxious-hollow-belly sensation....I'd prefer my boots firmly planted, relaxed and solid....hands open by my sides, eyes looking ahead and smiling... it all sounds familiar....just look back at past experience- only this time I will take that step and let it come to me instead of me making the move towards it.

You know how I feel, so I will leave you with THAT to think about.

All good. There is always time.

10 reasons why I love my motorcycle

Reason 1: It is an excellent excuse to wear leather every day
Reason 2: It is cheaper than the bus
Reason 3: It affords me a special kind of freedom
Reason 4: It provides stress relief and much pleasure
Reason 5: I can always find a parking space downtown
Reason 6: It's a great way to meet cute girls
Reason 7: I always ride in style
Reason 8: I get to drive in the lane that cars can't fit in (but I have to beware of car doors)
Reason 9: I get an adrenaline rush and a goofy grin on my face every time I get on it
Reason 10: It is all mine