Takin' aim....

I hunker down and feel myself shiver with anticipation and a bit of fear- the good kind that sets my heart beating a little faster- I evaluate my present situation and accept that I neither know where it is going nor how it will end, only when..and even then I can never be 100% sure. I wonder things, but it's all just wondering...nothing solid, nothing to hold on to, lots to lose by risking, and yet more to lose by NOT risking....so I will close my eyes and pass another night in my head and dream what I dream and wake to the sun and know that I cannot predict but I can move through what comes to me and enjoy it while I can....I do not regret a moment(I am a willful and defiant boy....through restraint I can lose control) of this.

...flicker

You are no ghost- you are not permanent either- I know this- I knew it from our first meeting over beers and heartache (real and imminent)....and I will reach out and take your small hand in mine and kiss your smooth beautiful back and listen to you breathe in my ear as I lean down and lay my head on your chest to hear your heart beating....no, you are not a ghost...I know this because I feel your body hard against me, all want and desire as we whisper in the candlelight- I know it because I can still taste you on my lips and feel your fingers laced with mine...feel you lean with me into the turns and wrap your arms more tightly around and move in closer as we accelerate.....you are no ghost because I can hear your laughter and see your smiling eyes even now..... you are here, and gone, and so is time, and so am I.

..blow out the candle....

Also known as......

In the thick of it now..... after some weirdness and some discussion and some good fun I am now feeling things that before I only thought about, and I like it and I want more. One kind of pleasure is another kind of discomfort, and I would rather feel the sting or the thud than open my mouth sometimes, but maybe I can rid myself of that particular type of trepidation by enduring and enjoying it as it happens, when it happens. This heart is strangely calm...no whitecaps....no 20' waves blasting up from a boiling ocean onto rocks..I can lean into the wind on my face and my body and it can hold me up as it licks me (leaving salt) - when I ride it feels like needles on my lips- the same lips that she is welcome to devour- small hungry body and dark smiling eyes that know more than I do and are teaching me plenty....